Falling in love is special. What starts with an accidental run-in at the park, turns into a coffee date on a sunny Saturday afternoon; then a nice fancy dinner on the water front of the Tampa Bay, and before too long you’re full of butterflies and funny feelings and you can’t really explain what happened and why you feel these feelings. When you fall in love the brain floods itself with magical love chemicals that cause each of these emotions.
Dopamine is the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure, motivation, and reward. In the early stages of love, dopamine rises creating feelings similar to that of drugs. Have you ever heard the term, “high on love”? Oxytocin, the “bonding hormone”, also surges. Oxytocin is important for strengthening emotional bonds and building trust in a relationship. This chemical increases during moments of intimacy such as hugging and kissing. The other major chemical, Serotonin, is known for regulating mood and emotions. When you fall in love, serotonin levels fluctuate (similar to OCD) and cause you to become obsessed with the person you are falling in love with. Each of these chemicals play a significant role in both early stages and long-term love. For example, dopamine is vital at the beginning of a relationship. Dopamine is the “feel-good” chemical; it is associated with earning rewards, truly wanting them and not just liking them. Think through that idea: we work hard to earn rewards, but do you remember when you were younger and you would be given a reward without the ability to choose the reward. Maybe you weren’t too pleased with the reward. Dopamine is associated with something we want. When you know the reward is a brand new sports car, you might work a little harder! When you really want the relationship to work you put in the effort. A good, lengthy relationship takes work; a good marriage takes work.
Eventually that “spark” of new love ends and the real work begins. The key to a happy, healthy relationship is what kind of work you put in. When people say marriage is a work they don’t mean emotional maneuvering, constant hiding and evading questions, or tiptoeing around topics the rest of your life. A good healthy marriage takes collaboration, love, respect, and cultivating. Ephesians chapter 5 tells us, “Husbands love your wives. Wives respect your husbands.” Have you ever wondered what causes the chaotic cycle of distress in an unhealthy relationship? I (as a woman) know we love to be loved. The world would tell you these are “traditional values”, but have you ever stopped to think maybe there is something to these “values”. A wife wants love. A husband wants respect. Wives, don’t make 100% of the decisions without your husband. Husbands, maybe show your wife some appreciation for everything she does. This belief doesn’t make way for an “old-fashioned” marriage, but it does make way for a healthy one!
Did you know your brain is wired to love? When we don’t have the opportunity to love someone our brain goes into survival mode causing a surge in cortisol (the stress hormone). Our bodies, brains, and souls are literally made to love!
If our bodies and brains are made to love, what do we do when we have no one to love?
- Focus on building yourself: who are you?
- Community outreach and volunteer: can you serve where it is needed?
- Church
- Schools
- God (if you are religious)
Our bodies are made to love, it is our job to train ourselves how to love.
–Rebecca Sorrell